Required preread: We Thought We Found the Perfect Nanny
Whence last we spoke, I was in a puddle of tears due to the no-show-nanny on day one of my new job. The exhaustive nanny hunt followed by the nanny trauma drama had me shook, but as we women do, I put one high-heeled foot in front of the other and marched onward.
By day I was leaning in, learning the ropes at my new company and proving to them that I was the right man for the job. Each workday also offered the logistical challenge of onboarding a patchwork of pinch-sitters in efforts to keep things rolling along as smoothly as possible for my three little girls.
By night I was interviewing, reference checking, and mining the fields for a new crop of potentially permanent nannies.
But by late night, was conducting a Keith Morrison style investigation into who exactly this woman was that betrayed my trust and evaporated into thin air with our house key and our car seats. Hindsight, fact finding via the online Yellow Pages, and Monday morning quarterbacking have led me to these grim conclusions:
Red Flag #1: She gave me a printed copy of her “background check.” Even more concerning: she did not accept my request through Sittercity to conduct an official background check or driving record check of my own. What was she hiding?
Red Flag #2: Turns out she has three different names according to the internet. Anyone who has seen one episode of Dateline knows this is code for creepy.
Red Flag #3: In the words of my four-year-old who spent time with her during her orientation, ”She was nice but her car smelled bad and I didn’t like her music.” Car smells are a BIG DEAL to kids. I can still recall the stench of a certain wood paneled station wagon from the carpool of my youth. I am convinced that my acute adult motion sickness originated while sitting in the backety-back of our neighbor’s smelly Buick as a kid while Kenny G blared from the tape deck. To this day, any time I hear this saxophone sonata, I am immediately nauseous. Simply put, Hallie did not care for that stanky stank or the soundtrack. These. Things. Matter.
I see some of you out in the wild and I always get asked “Did you ever get your car seats back?” That brings me to the next red flag.
Red Flag #4: After a STRONG dose of legalese from my husband via text and voicemail, the car seats finally appeared on our back porch in the dark of night a few weeks after it all went down. But. Instead of unclipping them like a normal human, she cut them out. That means she used some sort of industrial strength pruning shears to cut the seatbelt material attached to the latch clip that attaches the car seat to the car. Car seats are useless if they can’t be secured to the car. What conclusions can we draw from this seat snipping situation?
- A) This lady has ZERO childcare experience because anyone who has been around kids would know rudimentary car seat mechanics. This would therefore mean that she faked her references. Something that makes sense considering those phone calls were, well, odd.
- B) This was an act of malicious aggression.
- C) All of the above.
I am currently using my # 2 pencil to fill in “C” on my scantron. Keep your eyes on your own paper.
In conducting this postmortem, I can see it all so clearly now. We dodged a serious bullet by not having this duplicitous wackadoo take care our most precious precocious possessions. I really think Someone was looking out for us, and I am honesty relieved that this woman did not spend another moment in my home with my children.
Thankfully, this suburban legend has a happy ending. We found the perfect nanny who has now been with our family for over a year. I love her, my children love her, and she does all the things necessary to keep the all spinning plates in the air on the home front. I would literally give her my kidney if she needed it. She can certainly have my gallbladder and I would most likely give her one of my more vital organs if the need arises.
Her car even smells good.
As you know, we spent the month of December on the quest for our Mary Poppins. We needed a nanny before I began my new job in early January. After a literal zillion hours spent calling references, phone interviewing, and conducting face-to-face interviews, we offered the coveted nanny position to a lady we’ll call *Carol.* Carol had all the bells and whistles: a cheery disposition, a stellar resume, glowing references, and the desire to –and I quote-“make my life easier.” When we offered her the job she was elated. She couldn’t wait to care for our “smart, funny, adorable children.”
I spent the week before her official start date writing a dissertation on the care and keeping of my children. The mental and emotional load that we mothers carry is a heavy one to share. I did two days of training with Carol in an attempt to download all of the minutia about rules, routines, and the preferences and particularities of each of my girls. We drove the carpool loops together and along the way I pointed out the local parks. I introduced Carol to our neighbors, installed new car seats in her car, and gave her our house key.
I went to bed the night before my triumphant return to the working world confident that the two most important decisions were behind me. I had found the perfect nanny and I had found the perfect outfit to wear on my first day. I was ready to walk the road ahead in my sensible pumps and power suit.
Carol was supposed to arrive at 8:15 on Tuesday morning. Around 7:45 I got this text:
No worries. Neither me or my husband had to be at the office early that day.
Atlanta traffic is the worst, and though she had been to our house several times, she had yet to do the drive during morning rush hour. She quickly texted back.
Meanwhile my husband and I were wondering who would ever want to drive that far for work. We had a hunch that the commute would be too much and asked her MANY times thought the hiring process if the drive would be too far. She repeatedly reassured us that it wouldn’t be a problem at all. “As long as I have my music,” she said sweetly, “the drive won’t bother me a bit.” Then around 8:30am I get this text …
Of course she won’t. It’s way too far to drive for work, no matter how smart, funny and adorable my children are. I grumbled that I wish she had realized this weeks ago. Ugh. I texted back:
No response.
And crickets. I called her twice. No answer, no response, straight to voicemail. 8:30. 8:40. 8:50. The pit in my stomach grew and grew as my husband took the hopeful stance that GPSs aren’t always accurate assuring me that surely she will be here any minute.
I stood on our front porch in my power pumps with my baby on my hip, willing her tiny black car to come down our street.
By 9am when it was crystal clear that Carol was not coming, we sprang to action making a backup plan. I frantically packed a bag of baby paraphernalia, did some car seat shuffling, and made plans for my amazing parents to take care of #3 all day and pick up #2 at school. My husband took the baby to my parents’ house and I jumped in the car for my first day of work. On my commute, I called the elementary school and a dear friend to coordinate after-school arrangements for #1. Adrenaline pumping after the chaotic morning, I walked in the office on my first day a cool ten minutes early.
For the next 8+ hours I completely compartmentalized. I dove headfirst into my new role and tried to make at least a decent first impression with my colleagues. I even made a new friend in the IT department which, as you know, is essential. I got in the car after a great first day, with the peace of mind that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
On my commute home I interviewed yet another nanny. I held back tears as I explained to her what we were looking for and what went down earlier that morning. But when I walked in the door to find my mom holding the baby and my dad serving mac & cheese to the big girls, I started bawling. My oldest daughter started crying when she saw me crying. She LOVES drama and was on pins and needles as I tearfully recounted the morning’s events. My three-year-old gave me a big hug and kept telling me how sorry she was that my hair was turning brown. “I’m so so sorry your hair is turning brown, mommy” she kept saying. She understood the real trauma of the day. Roots.
I felt exhausted after putting so much time and emotional energy searching for the person to care my three most precious possessions– for nothing. I felt betrayed and lied to. Clearly Carol is a person of questionable character. Better that we know that now. She ghosted on me in my time of need. Screening my calls and not returning my texts to tell me she wasn’t coming was low. She had spent time in our house and babysat for my children the weekend before her official first day. I was sick to my stomach-and I still am as I revisit all of this. What did I miss? Were her references even real? Had she really been rear-ended the week before when we sympathetically rescheduled her training day? She sent me a PDF of her background check. Am I an idiot for not doing my own background check on her? My calls go straight to voicemail. And though I have sent polite texts requesting that she return the car seats, they are still at large. Was all this just an elaborate scam to steal a few Gracos from an innocent family? Oh yeah, and she still has our house key.
To be honest, I thought that the background check that she provided us with would have been adequate. However, looking back on it now, I definitely should have got a second opinion.
This weekend I’m back at the beginning. Calling references, interviewing nannies, making an appointment for highlights, and I’ll most definitely be contacting a locksmith about changing our locks. In this situation, it’s definitely better to be safe than sorry.
And to think, my #1 concern about Carol was that she seemed too nice.
*Name changed just in case that wakadoo googles herself.
For Christmas this year, I’m asking for the perfect Nanny for my three children. In January, I am starting a new job at a new company that I am super excited about. BUT! We have less than three weeks to find our very own Mary Poppins. Let me give you a breakdown of the nanny hunt thus far.
Step 1: Emailed all my friends asking if anyone knew anyone who knew someone who knew someone. A direct referral would be ideal. (net: one candidate)
Step 2: Put an ad on SitterCity, AKA Nanny Tinder. (I got dozens of responses. some scary. some qualified. pretty hard to tell what’s what. )
Step 3: Put a post up on the local moms’ Facebook groups. (two leads)
Steps 4-8: Conducted phone interviews, face-to-face interviews, working interviews, contacted references, stalked Instagrams, and
Step 9: Lost excessive amounts of sleep wondering which one is the RIGHT one. (Still not sure.)
Step 10: Drafted an annotated version of the letter written by Jane and Michael Banks that manifested into Mary Poppins. The bold words below are my personal requirements and wishes. I’m hopeful that by writing this down and putting it on the internet, our magical dream nanny will appear.
Before we begin, here is the video of the Banks children singing their nanny song to freshen your memory.
Wanted a nanny for
If you want this choice position—so far I have held this position unpaid so perhaps a paid gig is
Have a cheery disposition. Yes. I want my children to want to be with you. I want you to blend naturally with our happy family.
Rosy cheeks, no warts! Appearance isn’t everything but it does count for something. Being put together shows you care. One of many data points.
Play games, all sort. We love games. Play games with them but DO NOT let them win (or cheat). One day we will release them into the Real World and they need to know how to win fairly and lose gracefully.
You must be kind, you must be witty. Yes yes. A good sense of humor is key.
Very sweet and fairly pretty. Fairly is the right word. Pretty but not too pretty. I have been reading US Weekly way too long to know how that story ends. The hot nanny didn’t do great things for the marriages of Jude Law, Ben Affleck, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why play with fire? Amiright, ladies? A 7 out of 10 would be just fine.
Take us on outings, give us treats. Take them on lots of outings (particularly to the places I don’t want to go) like the Aquarium, the Planetarium, and the germ-ridden bouncy house place.
Sing
Never be cross or cruel. But don’t get walked over. They are crafty. Earn their love and their respect.
Never give us castor oil or gruel. But mandate that they eat all their vegetables if they want dessert. Make them brush their teeth.
Love us as a son and daughter. Yes. Please please please LOVE my children. Get to know each of them individually. Figure out the ways they feel loved, and celebrate and appreciate and adore them.
And never smell of barley water. Good hygiene is key. Smokers need not apply.
If you won’t scold and dominate us. They will need scolding from time to time. Let’s try to be on the same team as far as discipline. Because it will be needed.
We will never give you cause to hate us. Though they might test your patience and push the limits, they really are fantastic.
We won’t hide your spectacles So you can’t see (But they might throw minor tantrums when the Elsa dress needs to be forcibly removed.)
Put toads in your bed Or pepper in your tea. (But they will squabble over who gets which colored cup, who gets the map placemat, and cut one piece of paper into
Hurry, Nanny! LIKE SERIOUSLY. On a deadline.
Many thanks.
Sincerely,
Jane and Michael Banks Jennifer
Let’s go fly a kite.
I wrote about my first miscarriage shortly after we received the heart aching news that there was no heartbeat at the 13-week appointment. That was March of 2016.
What I didn’t share quite as publically was my second miscarriage that happened in December of that same year. Nine weeks, no heartbeat. You know why I didn’t write about it? It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it private. I learned from sharing the first time and getting a resounding chorus of “me toos” that there is healing power in being open with this all-too-common loss. I didn’t write about it because I had nothing to say. I was so so sad about our second loss, but having a second miscarriage also made me a little bitter. I was frustrated and feeling sorry for myself and just plain pissed about having to go through it all again. I thought I learned all the lessons the first go round and I simply didn’t understand why I – we- had to deal with another loss.
It took a few months before I was physically and emotionally ready to try again for baby #3. I had to feel okay about setting myself up for more pain and disappointment and the possibility that this could happen again. I know that some women, after experiencing the pain that I have been through, also plan for legal action to take place should anything go wrong during delivery. It’s no wonder why so many women who have been to hell and back look for the assistance of an injury lawyer such as the one you can find here. I can’t blame them, every baby is precious, but when you’ve lost a baby and you’re within touching distance of bringing one to full-term, it’s only natural to do everything you can to protect them and ensure they get the best care possible. I, myself, couldn’t quiet that desire for another child, and we couldn’t deny the feeling that our family wasn’t quite complete.
So eventually I got back on the horse (bow chicka bow wow) and started trying yet again for illusive baby three. And thanks to a cocktail of COQ10, Clomid, canoodling, Pregnitude, and prayer, in June of 2017, I saw the faintest plus sign on a pregnancy test. My heart skipped a beat but I immediately tempered my joy. I pressed pause on the imaginary highlight reel of this child’s life before I let it start running in my head. I even kept the news completely to myself for a few days, not even telling my husband, as I oscillated between excitement about the future and fear of the unknown. One morning over breakfast, I casually slid the positive test across the table towards My Man. He was excited… but guarded. We knew enough to know that a positive pregnancy test is just the first step, and that there are 40 long weeks ahead.
I didn’t immediately calculate my due date, nor did I sign up for the BabyCenter emails that inform you weekly which obscure fruit or vegetable matches the size of your growing fetus. I thought it best not to know whether my baby was the size of a radish, a Japanese eggplant, a kumquat or a star fruit. I didn’t let myself go there.
I went to the first ultrasound around eight weeks and I can clearly remember how badly my knees were shaking as I put them in the stirrups. The past two times I had been in that same dimly lit room, my heart had fallen through the floor at the silence and stillness on the screen. I started crying the minute the ultrasound technician opened the door. “I’m a little nervous” I told her. “I know,” she said. “I saw your chart.”
My tears started again when I heard the heartbeat and saw the little flicker on the screen. I was relieved and hopeful, but still hesitant to shout news of this pregnancy from the rooftops.
Back in at 10 weeks for another ultrasound and the blood test that detects chromosomal abnormalities and can also tell you the gender of the baby. Um, science is magic. We are finder outers as far as gender goes, but opted to not find out at 10 weeks. It felt wrong to know the gender before I even knew if the pregnancy was viable. Between appointments, my constant nausea and exhaustion were pleasant though uncomfortable assurances that something was hopefully happening in there.
It was a long walk to the perinatologist for my 13-week ultrasound. I was again on the verge of tears as we waited for the doctor. This one was big. It was this appointment where we got the sad news of my first miscarriage, and it is after this appointment that, assuming it goes well, miscarriage risk drops significantly. All was well. Exhale.
It wasn’t until after that appointment that my husband and I actually talked for the first time about the fact that I was pregnant and the realities of having another baby. Over lunch we discussed questions like Where will we put this child’s nursery? What if it is a boy? How would we feel about another girl? Who is the child’s father? Etcetera. We cautiously started to let ourselves get excited about our growing family.
After a successful 18-week appointment wherein I got to hear the pitter pater of the little heartbeat, I unpacked my maternity clothes. It had been weeks since I could comfortably zip my regular jeans, but in the beginning I was too afraid about the emotional toll of having to lug them back up to the attic if we got bad news. I was immediately reminded how maternity jeans are ah-mazing and how I will likely wear full panel elastic waist jeans from now till forever. And I finally FINALLY put the baby’s due date on the Google calendar. I don’t make a trip to the mailbox without putting it on the Google calendar so to think that I didn’t put such a significant event on the cal certainly says something.
The world loves a pregnant lady, but it took me a good while to accept congratulations on this pregnancy and partake of the perks that come with the prenatal package. In the early weeks, whenever anyone said congrats, I wanted to diffuse it and temper their expectations the same way I was always checking my own. “Congratulations!” They would say. “Well I had two miscarriages so we’ll see.” Or “Thanks, it’s still early though.” But as the weeks passed, I finally accepted congratulations, put my hand on my ever-expanding belly, smiled and said “thank you. We’re really excited.”… “And yes. Please carry my groceries to the car.”
I was gradually settling into this pregnancy, and each week that went by, I was able to remove a brick from the anxiety backpack I had been carrying. I let myself start dreaming about life with three children, and timidly pressed play on my dreams about the future. It was around this time that we told our daughters that I was pregnant.
Despite settling into the idea that this may actually happen, I had a chorus line of “what ifs” dancing in my head approaching the 20-week appointment. That is the ultrasound where you can officially find out the baby’s gender and where they carefully examine every vital organ for potentially scary abnormalities. I went in feeling anxious and left that appointment feeling grateful and relieved. We looked away as the doctor was scanning the anatomy and left the appointment with an envelope disclosing if #3 is a boy or a girl. SPOILER ALERT! A(nother) girl.
As my third trimester creept by, I did not take a single kick for granted. Bring on the nausea, the insomnia, the restless leg syndrome (most annoying pregnancy symptom), the cankles, and the corn flakes (#1 craving). I was so beyond grateful to be in the magical miraculuous baby baking business once again.
And on February 10th, when I finally got to hold the precious baby I had been praying for, I felt like I won the lottery. Having two miscarriages may have stolen my blissful innocence from the experience of pregnancy, but it made this child’s birthday that much more meaningful. Babies are freaking fracking MIRACLES and I am still pinching myself that I have been blessed with three. She was well worth the wait.
So it turns out that a big part of being a grownup is making wise choices and creating rules for yourself on a continuous journey toward self-improvement. Unfortunately, these rules often involve limiting your consumption of things you truly love. For example:
- “I’m only going to drink wine on the weekends, not during the week.”
- “I’m going to let myself watch this season of the Bachelorette but I’m NOT going to watch Bachelor in Paradise.”
- “I’ll only eat at Chipotle on a day that included some sort of exercise.”
More flossing, less Bravo, fewer carbs, earlier bedtimes, and dessert limited to special occasions.
It’s a total drag.
For me, one such rule has been to not look at my phone in bed at night. About a year ago, I realized I had a problem. It would start innocently, reading news articles that inevitably put me in a sour mood. From there I would turn to Instagram to lighten the vibe. I’d loose track of time in the abyss of friends, friends of friends, and flat-out strangers’ renovations, adoptions, breast augmentations, weddings, separations and vacations. Mindlessly immersing myself into the goings-on at a neighbor’s bachelorette party should be fun, but it left me feeling hollow and a little jealous of all those neat ladies who just spent the weekend in Palm Beach. The biggest problem was that all of this aimless scrolling was cutting into my pre-bed reading of actual books, something I truly love. But I confess that I had become somewhat addicted to ending my day with my phone in hand. So what is a gorgeous Xennial to do?
I’ll tell you what I did. I bought a Kindle Paperwhite. It is exactly like the classic Kindle e-reader but with a really pleasing mellow backlight that enables reading in all scenarios, from pitch black darkness to the sunny beach.
My Kindle Paperwhite fills that tragic millennial void of needing time in front of a screen before bedtime. Because of this awesome gadget, my reading life has been taken to new heights. I read more, read faster, and I have instant access to any book ever. My phone is far less appealing these days and it has all but been eliminated from my pre-bedtime ritual. I even got My Man a paperwhite for Christmas and he too is totally in love. And reading our e-books side-by-side in bed is far more romantic than reading on iPhones. Right? Right.
I am sharing this today because it’s Prime Day! I’m still a little confused about what exactly we are celebrating there, but let’s go with it. In honor of this sacred day honoring our addiction to Amazon and maybe Jeff Bezos’ birthday(?), I wanted to spread the good news that this darling little gizmo is on Super Sale.
Once you pull the trigger, here are two ways to make the most of your Kindle:
- Download the Libby or Overdrive apps and checkout e-books from the library’s online catalogue. Your local library has zillions of titles that you can get wirelessly delivered to your Kindle for FREE. FREEEEEEEE!
- Subscribe to the Modern Mrs. Darcy daily email wherein she shares which worth-reading e-books are on major sale each day. Snatch em up. (It was her podcast that inspired this awesome evening.)
An eReader will never replace actual paperbound books in my heart, but it sure does make it easier to read books like this in bed and/or in public without judgement.
The Secret to a Better Beach Vacation
A week at the beach for parents of young children can be described as almost anything other than a vacation. It is more of a relocation-to a beautiful place where the responsibilities are exactly the same as they are back at home-only new dangers lurk around every corner. Oppressive heat! Undertow! Jellyfish! The deep end! Horseflies! Hot sand! The open seas! Zika! Sunburn! SHARKS. It’s an all-out battle against the elements.
For our family, typical beach days are full to the brim with the application and reapplication of sunscreen and extreme lifeguarding as we schlep between the beach and the pool. When it comes to swimming, our children’s confidence far outpaces their actual ability, so my stress and anxiety is on high alert when my little daredevils are near open water. And when we are on the beach, they want to be IN the ocean, not quietly building sandcastles. This means that we, their parents, are in the ocean too, playing man on man defense between them and the crashing waves. Why even bother bringing beach chairs because there is absolutely no sitting during daylight hours. One child demands to be carried across the “dirty” sand, the other complains that her sunscreen stings, and both battle with us over who has to wear a puddle jumper and a swim shirt and who doesn’t. . It’s a week full of memories and glimpses of family fun, but man, it is hard work.
There has to be a better way! My husband and I said to each other after a particularly expensive and exhausting family beach week a few years ago. Well, there is! We just got back from a family beach trip and it was fantastic. I feel rested and refreshed and even more in love with my man and my little ones. YES, it’s possible. Lean in and listen closely as I share the two words that will help you turn your family TRIP into a true VACATION:
Beach Camp.
We are on our second summer vacationing this way and it is just the best.
Last year we went to Hilton Head, South Carolina and I scoured the internet to find a local day camp for our then 2 and 5 year-old daughters to attend. I found a precious Montessori preschool with spots for both girls and signed up. Double bonus that the camp happened to be in biking distance from our beach house. Each morning, we took the tandem to camp drop-off and hugged our chickadees goodbye, then headed off to enjoy 4+ solid hours of actual vacation. My man and I went out for breakfast, took long bike rides, and actually (wait for it) sat in our beach chairs on the beach. It was blissful. Then around 1:00pm, we biked to pick up our campers and enjoyed the rest of the day as a family.
This year we intentionally set out to find a new beach destination that had the option to put the biggest sisters in camp. We found a lovely rental house at Kiawah Island, South Carolina. It was a five minute walk to be beach, a four minute walk to the pool, and a three minute walk to Kamp Kiawah. And as you know, when you spell camp with a “K” it has to be fun. So that is where we spent the first week of June this summer. It was bliss.
In the mornings, we dropped the big girls off at camp and then enjoyed relaxing breakfasts on our porch. What followed would be some combination of golf, tennis, walking, beach sitting, reading, or exploring grounds of this gorgeous hotel. I finished a handful of books and actually got to have meaningful conversations with my husband. Both of those things made possible by the fact that I wasn’t lifeguarding all day long.
Meanwhile, our girls were having big fun at beach camp-I mean Kamp. They LOVED it. We’d pick them up after lunch and have the rest of the day to live it up as a family. Because I had spent the first half of the day recharging the ol’ battery, I easily transitioned in to super-awesome-mom-mode. I raced my oldest daughter down waterslides head first, collected shells, swam in the ocean, and carried the 35 pounder across the “dirty” sand without so much as an eyeroll. At night we swam until the pool closed, explored different beaches on the island, found a radio station that played Delilah, drank margaritas with a view, and played rounds of (naked) Headbandz-still legal in South Carolina. It was an amazing week.
Now that we have seen the light and tasted true rest during a family trip, there is no going back-at least not for a while. One day in the future, when each child has passed the YMCA swim test, can read chapter books, be trusted to apply their own sunscreen, and wipe independently, we will embrace a week of full-on family beachness. Until then… Beach Kamp.
If we’re honest, all parents will admit that there are a few things we love doing with our children…aaaaaand a few things we don’t. For example, though I am always up for a trip to the playground, I have a semi-firm no pushing on the swing policy. Not my thing for myriad reasons I’ll explain another day. And ugh. Time literally drips through the hour glass soooooo slowly when I play ball sports in the driveway with my little ones. At this age, that translates to me fetching stray tennis balls in the bushes. Hard pass-at least until my youngest teammate finetunes her hand-eye. I’m fortunate that there is a growing list of things I truly enjoy doing with my children that overlaps with things that they love doing. I will gladly build majestic Magna-Tile castles, I’ll draw, I’ll dance, and I’m theoretically always up for baking and crafting. Legos. Are. Awesome. I also adore reading to them so I never say no when my girls bring me a big stack of books and want to get cozy on the sofa and read it out. For the past few years, something I really enjoy doing with my oldest daughter is playing games. I have always been a game lover and this has been a great way to spend time with her that is fun for both of us.
Since it’s the season to be giving. And receiving! But mostly giving. Because baby Jesus in the manger. I wanted to share a Gaming Gift Guide of sorts. I love gifting games to other families and really appreciate when they are gifted to my children. Games offer far better bang-for-your-buck than those one-note trendy toys (this year it’s Hatchimals and those creepy little finger monkies) that get played with once and end up at the bottom of a toy basket, never to be played with again.
The list below includes games we love playing in our family and games I love gifting to families with older children. I even threw a few in there that are on our family’s wish list this year. These are mostly listed in order of age appropriateness, but your child is likely a genius and can probably start young. P.S. don’t let your little people win, at least not every time. For the sake of empowering the next generation with any prayer of getting us out of the mess we are currently in, don’t let them win.
Great first Games:
Sneaky Snacky Squirrel (3+) I played this Educational Insights game just yesterday with my daughter. This is a competitive game with twists and turns and a great game for learning early strategy and hand-eye coordination. Also great for learning how to be a gracious looser and keep on spinning if the wind blows all of your hard-earned acorns back.
Candy Land (4+) This simple race-to-the-finish game is practically a right of passage. Good intro to the wide world of games. Chutes and Ladders is another that has stood the test of time.
Hi-Ho-Cherry-O (3-6) Fun way to trick your preschoolers into developing basic math skills.
Uno Moo (3-10) – preschool version of Uno that uses cute lil barn animals instead of cards.
Richard Scary Busytown Eye Found It (3+) This is a cooperative, non-competitive game that still packs a thrill because you are working together to beat a common enemy (greedy pigs). It has a 6 foot long game board and requires imagination, teamwork and Where’s Waldo style find-it abilities. This is the perfect game for children of multiple ages to play together because older ones will enjoy it too.
Memory (3-7) Classic. I have great memories (pun!) of playing this growing up. Great brain builder and you can find in a themed version for whatever your child is into.
Hoot Hoot Owl (4-8) This is a great introduction to board games for your little one. You work together and collaborate over a strategy to accomplish a goal instead of competing.
Games for Growing Gamers:
Outfoxed (5+) This is one of my daughter’s current favorites and a game that I really enjoy playing with her. Outfoxed is a great cooperative play Clue-ish whodunit game where you use deductive reasoning to outsmart a thieving fox.
Guess Who (5+) Another classic that is easy to learn and you can play multiple rounds in one sitting. My daughter loves this one.
Zingo (4-10) This is a super popular game with families with young children and it was another of our family’s first games that I enjoyed as well. A lot like BINGO, players get picture cards and try to fill them up. There is a speed component too that makes the adrenaline kick in. We started with the standard version and are hoping for Zingo Word Builder and Zingo Sight Words for Christmas. Both are supposed to be excellent for new readers.
Uno Attack (7+) the random card shooter in this tricked out Uno makes fort a exciting and unpredictable game. The classic UNO is always a hit.
Castle Logix (3-8) and Camelot Jr. (4-8). These are great brain building single player puzzle games. The goal is to assemble the wooden blocks and towers to match the challenges included in the booklet. You begin with simple challenges and build up to more complex puzzles that (cough) I even find challenging. A great independent game for quiet time, it helps develop logical thinking skills and spatial reasoning abilities.
Sorry (6+) Sorry was one of my favorite games when I was young. It is simple and fun and it teaches children to be good sports when they win or when someone draws a “sorry” and sends them alllll the way back home. The game Trouble, which I’m sure you also remember from the days of yore, is similar.
Games for Bigger Kids and Families:
Qwirkle (6+) This is a SUPER popular strategic domino and scrabble-like game that has won the Parents’ Choice Gold Award and the Mensa National Competition Award. Sold. The pieces are shapes (no reading required), so it can be easily played by young players but there is enough strategy to it that it keeps older players engaged.
Rollick (10+) This is a cool spin on traditional charades and a fun team party game where all ages can participate. Instead of one actor and the rest guessers, it is all actors and one guesser per team. You can use props that are in the room which adds a fun twist.
5 Second Rule (10+) and 5 Second Rule Jr. (6+) Fun party game that involves quick thinking. Hilarity often ensues.
Ticket to Ride (8+) This is one of the most popular strategy games of all time that is supposed to be really fun for the whole family. It is on our Christmas wishlist. The goal is to build railroad lines across the USA and earn more points than your opponents. Apparently this one can be learned quickly (always a plus) involves strategy (yes)-and the gameplay is quick, with no lulls (ideal).
Scattegories (12+) A classic and forever personal favorite that still gets my blood pumping and mind racing.
Killer Bunnies (13+) and KinderBunnies (5+) are strategic card games that get high praise. These on our wishlist this year.
Bonus Round! Stocking Stuffers:
Spot-it (7+) Spot It is an awesome think fast matching game that works across age groups. The goal is to be the first to identify a match on a pair of cards and to call out the name of the figure in common (surprisingly harder than it sounds). We brought it to the beach to play with our daughter but ended up playing with the adults after the kids went to bed and got hyper-competitive. We have the original version, but there are Spot It Junior games if you want an easier version for little people to play-as well as themed versions for different interests.
Go Fish (5+) Love this E-boo version. Big cards with pretty graphics. Classic.
Sleeping Queens (7+) This is a fantasy card game that gets azillion 5 star Amazon reviews. It helps develop memory, strategy, and basic math skills. The name queens makes it sound girly, but there are queens, kings, knights and more, so it works for everyone. Great intro to strategy for young players. Quick to learn and doesn’t take a whole lot of time to play.
[more into books than games? Here is a post about our FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BOOKS as well as a post about PRINCESS BOOKS WITH A TWIST]
Our firstborn started kindergarten this year. Kindergarten. What’s that saying about the days being long and the years being short…? Yeah. That.
A perennial optimist and off-the-charts extrovert, she had extremely high expectations about how the whole thing would go. Her dad and I walked her in on that first day expecting to have to deploy encouraging parenting wisdom and perhaps dry a few tears, but instead we were shouting “wait for us” as she skipped down the sidewalk into her new school. She found the hook with her name on it, hung up her backpack, and walked right in her new classroom like she has been doing this for years.
I waited anxiously for the bus that afternoon, hoping that day one of kindergarten lived up to her oh so high expectations. “This was the best day of my life,” she said before I could even ask.
Yes. The best day of her life. I haven’t heard that since Disney World. But beyond it being the “best day of her life,” it was hard extracting specific details. (Well, she was able to go into elaborate detail about the cafeteria and what delicacies the children whose mothers hadn’t lovingly packed their lunches that day enjoyed. Clearly she was less than impressed with her mom-made pb&j.)
The next day I got an “awesome” when I asked her about her day…but then nothing else. I felt like a little lap dog as I peppered her for details each afternoon. Nothin. Clearly asking “how was your day” was getting us nowhere.
It was time for a new tactic.
In an effort to know her and her world better, we started a dinnertime tradition. I wrote out a bunch of questions and conversation starters on little pieces of paper. Each evening while the little ones are eating dinner, we pick three or so colorful questions out of the bucket and read them. Her answers include tons of detail and I usually get stories about the day and insight into what is really going on in her heart and what’s on her mind. The grown-ups usually answer too—most of these questions can be paraphrased and applied to what when down at work as easily as what went down at school. Our two-year-old even answers a question or two, and we nod along as if we understand her version of English and/or reality.
Here is a list of questions that you can pick and choose from to ask your star students. Great conversation guaranteed.
- Can you tell me an example of kindness you saw or showed today?
- Can you think of a helpful thing you wish you had done today?
- Do you know anyone in school who has trouble making friends? How could you help?
- Can you imagine being a teacher at your school? A bus driver? How do you think you would feel doing those jobs?
- Can you think of one act of kindness you would like to share tomorrow?
- Did anyone do anything silly to make you laugh?
- Did anyone get in trouble today?
- Did you notice anyone struggling today? What happened?
- Are you worried about anything?
- Do you think your teacher ever feels frustrated, tired, or angry at school?
- Does everyone have a friend at recess?
- How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill? (referencing this lovely book)
- How did you help somebody today? How did somebody help you today?
- How were you brave today?
- If I called your teacher tonight, what would she tell me about you?
- If you could call anyone right now, who would it be?
- If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?
- If you could plan the family vacation, where would you take us?
- If you could re-live anything that happened today, what would it be?
- If you could switch seats with anyone in class, who would it be? And why?
- If you got to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you do?
- Is there anything you wish you had done differently today?
- Rate your day on a scale from 1-10. What would have made it a 10?
- Teach me something I don’t know.
- Tell me one thing that you learned today.
- Tell me something good that happened today.
- Tell me something I don’t know about you.
- Tell me something you know today that you didn’t know yesterday.
- Tell me something you like about ________ ? (Use the name of a sibbling, friend or teacher.)
- Was there an example of unkindness? How did you respond?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
- What are you proud of today?
- What did you do today that was creative?
- What do you like best about our family?
- What do you most appreciate about ________ ? (Use the name of a family member, friend or teacher.)
- What do you think you should do/learn less of at school?
- What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?
- What frustrated you the most today?
- What is one thing you are grateful for today?
- What is one thing you hope to do better tomorrow?
- What is something you heard that surprised you?
- What is your favorite thing to do at recess?
- What made you feel loved today?
- What made you smile today?
- What made you the happiest today? What made you the saddest today?
- What questions did you ask at school today?
- What was the best thing that happened at school today? What was the worst thing that happened at school today?
- What was the hardest rule to follow today?
- What was your least favorite part of the day?
- What’s the best book you’ve read lately?
- Who did you enjoy spending time with today?
- Who in your class do you think you could be nicer to?
- Who is the funniest person in your class? Why is he/she so funny?
- Who would you like to play with at recess that you’ve never played with before?
- Why do you think it’s important that friends, teachers, and students help each other during the school day?
Do you know about the awesome podcast, What Should I Read Next? It is the show for every reader who has ever finished a book and faced the problem of not knowing what to read next. Each week, Anne Bogel, of the blog Modern Mrs. Darcy, interviews a reader about the books they love, the books they hate, and the books they’re reading now. Then, she makes recommendations based on that person’s tastes and her seemingly infinite mental card catalogue of every book every published.
Inspired by that primo podcast, some bookish friends and I decided to have a dinner party wherein we played literary matchmaker for each other. Here is how it went down. A few weeks in advance of our dinner, an email (and corresponding excel spreadsheet (nerd alert)) went out with these three questions:
- What are three books you love?
- What is one book you hate / didn’t like?
- What are you reading now?
Having each person’s picks in advance allowed us to thoughtfully consider books that person would enjoy, and come to the main event armed with suggestions.
When we gathered together for dinner, we took turns going around the table telling why we loved the books we loved, and what rubbed us wrong about the books we didn’t like. We pulled out themes based on preferences (i.e. WWII historical fiction, endearing narrator in a story well told, dystopian epic, family saga, mildly disturbing memoir, etc.) and discussed favorite authors. Then we played literary matchmaker for each other by answering the big question for each person: “What should I read next?” It was so nice to hear sentences like “If you loved The Nightingale then you HAVE to read All the Light We Cannot See.” “If you appreciated The Sound of Gravel then download Under the Banner of Heaven on your Kindle immediately.” Around the table a cumulative zillions of pages had been read. It was like a live version of Pandora–but for books–with wine and dessert.
I came away from the evening with a solid list of TBR (to be read) books I know I will like, and the joy of recommending books I loved to others. The whole night was chicken tortilla soup for the reader’s soul. (This recipe, for those who’d like to know.)
For your reading pleasure, I wanted to share the books that each of us identified on our three BOOKS WE LOVE lists. I am not going the mention the books we hated because we all know the internet is a place for only kind words, rave reviews, and positivity. I implicitly trust the taste of these ladies, AS SHOULD YOU. So look no further than the list below to decide what you should read next. I know these titles will grace my bedside stack for months to come.
Books We Loved:
Euphoria (Lily King) | The Outlander Series (Gabaldon) | When Breath Becomes Air (Kalanithi) | Homegoing (Gyasi)
The Glass Castle (Wells) | The Nightingale (Hannah) | Walking on Water (L’Engle) | The Language of Flowers (Diffenbaugh)
The Prophet (Gibran)| East of Eden (Steinbeck) | Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea (Demick) | NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children (Merryman)
Eligible (Sittenfeld) | The Hours (Cunningham) | Bossypants (Fey) | Hellhound on His Trail (Sides)
Poisonwood Bible (Kingsolover) | A Prayer for Owen Meany (Irving) | To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee) | Devil in the White City (Larson)
The Examined Life: How we Lose and Find Ourselves (Grosz) | Wild (Strayed) | Boys in the Boat (Brown) | How Children Succeed (Tough) | Tasteful Nudes (Hill)
Definitely consider throwing such a dinner with your book club or a group of your bookish friends. It is a surefire way to reinvigorate your reading life, a new way to connect with old friends and get to know new friends better. Great conversation guaranteed.
(More into listening than reading? Here is a post about my favorite podcasts. )
We just got back from Disney World and I’m here to say it lived up to the hype. The whole trip was the thrill of our daughter’s little life so far, and it turned out to be a total highlight of parenting for us. But let’s start at the beginning. Because I want to remember all of this.
Travel Day
After the Christmas surprise and the weeks of anticipation, the big day was finally here. Harper’s first plane flight did not disappoint. “Blast-off” was a thrill and so was trying to find our house from the sky. We made it to our hotel by lunchtime and spent the afternoon swimming in the pool and riding the escalators in the lobby. We could have stopped there but the hits kept comin.’
My parents arrived in time for a sunset loop on the monorail. Next we took a boat ride from our hotel to the restaurant at the Wilderness Lodge, where children are actually encouraged to ride wooden horses around the table while they wait for their meal. There was a light parade in the lake outside our hotel room which we caught just as we were heading in to call it a night. “They must have known it was my first day!” Harper said. “They threw this parade for me didn’t they, daddy?” Yes Harper. Yes they did.
Day One:
Our hotel was in walking distance from the Magic Kingdom so we all walked to the park together on that first day to be ready for action when the gates opened at 9am. My parents were awesome and fully committed to leaving it all on the playing field. We took Harper on the Teacups, The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, It’s a Small World (had to. we’re not monsters), The Carousel and the Jungle Cruise. Harper loved her first roller coaster, the view from the Dumbo ride, the surprise dance party on the castle steps, and the chance sightings of the character celebs. “She is the perfect age for this,” I noted to my parents as our 4-year-old handed her autograph book to Belle. “I am the perfect age for this,” my 65 year old father replied.
There is a parade around the Magic Kingdom every day at 3pm so we were sure to stake out a primo spot on the route. Harper shouted and waved at each character “Hi Peter!” “Hey Piglet!” “Hi Ariel!”-truly amazed by each new float emerging containing her heroes.
We headed back to the room for a round of late naps around 4:30, but were back at it by 6:30 and stayed until the park closed. Bedtime schmedtime. There was a light show on the castle and fireworks and ice cream, and rides, rides and more rides. On our first day as we strolled out of the park at a cool 10:30pm, a tired but joyful Harper said “mommy, this was the best day of my life.”
Day Two:
We said goodbye to my parents and the remaining three of us hunkered down for another few days. We spent the morning at Hollywood Studios where we started the day bright and early with a character breakfast. Not sure which Harper liked more, meeting the characters from her favorite Disney shows or the Mickey-shaped waffles on the all-you-can-eat buffet. We did the Frozen Sing-a-long, some Star Wars rides, the Tower of Terror, and then it was onto Epcot for the afternoon. Lunch and tequila shots in “Mexico” and a lap around The Test Track were highlights. Back to the room for late power naps and then we spent the rest of the day at the Magic Kingdom.
Harper, it turns out, is a thrill seeker. She loved the roller coasters so naturally we wanted to take her on Space Mountain-the biggest thrill at Disney World. We measured her outside the ride and learned that she was three inches too short. John and I figured that if we gave her a big hairdo and padded her shoes a bit, she would make the cut. So we went to work to get that girl to grow.
Jury is out whether the sight of a father shoving balls of napkins in his daughter’s shoes while her mother constructs a voluminous topknot in efforts to sneak their too short daughter into a roller coaster constitutes a parenting high or low.
We will consider it a high.
Day Three:
By day three we were exhausted pros. We spent the entire day at the Magic Kingdom from the time the gates opened-ish to when they closed. We were on a one word basis with the rides (Splash Mountain= Splash, Big Thunder Mountain=Thunder…Pan, Cups, The Cruise, etc.) We worked the FastPass system, smugly laughing at the schmoes waiting 130 minutes to ride the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (ahem, Dwarfs) as we breezed through to the front of the line. We knew the fastest routes between Adventureland and Fantasyland and had front row seats for the show on the castle steps. Harper got to hug “THE REAL” Cinderella, Rapunzel, Elena of Avelor and Tiana. We found the top spot for delicious ice cream and hit up our favorite spot for above-average park food (Pecos Bill’s. Guacamole bar on point). We shut da club down.
Obviously every night at Disney involves fireworks because duh. They are truly spectacular. Buuuut, we realized that the lines for some of Harper’s favorite rides were way shorter while the masses head to watch the display. When our tiny Tinkerbell politely asked the ride attendant “can we please go around again?” he couldn’t say no. So round and round we went. We were able to take loops around Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain without having to wait in line.
Our daughter has to hold the world record for total trips taken down Splash Mountain. And her parents win the award for being willing to get soaked in recycled theme park water to make her childhood dreams come true.
The Last Day
We spent the last day in Orlando just kickin’ it poolside before packing it up to go home. When we got in the bus to head back to the Orlando airport, I noticed sweet Harper was in tears. “I don’t want to leave,” she sobbed. We had to remind her that she had a little sister waiting for her back at home, and we assured her that we would come back when little sis was old enough to join us.
On the plane flight back, I had a moment to reflect on our whirlwind adventure as my four-year old slept in my lap. Being away from the routine, the rules, (the one year old), work and school, provided the opportunity for me to simply enjoy my oldest daughter, and do so in a place that illuminates everything remarkable about this particular moment of childhood. It was a gift to see it all through my daughter’s eyes and I want to always remember exactly how she is right now…
She expresses awe and wonder when she experiences each new thing. She believes in all of it–happy endings, fairy tales, the power of pixie dust-and that possibly the parade is being thrown just for her. She is fearless and free and totally unselfconscious, feeling beautiful in her hand-me-down princess dresses and up for dance party in the street with total strangers. She thinks it is totally tops to have the undivided attention of her parents and feels on top of the world when she is on her dad’s shoulders. She makes wishes on pennies and stars, truly believing that her wishes will come true. She knows no other way than to be truly present in the here and now. Even simple things and out of the ordinary surprises (like ice cream and staying up past bedtime) are spectacular. Her imagination runs wild and she simply believes.
Through a child’s eyes, Disney is magical. But the magic for me was that our trip made me understand how magical, fleeting and truly precious childhood is. Our time away with just our sweet girl made me realize that we are in the thick of the magical years of childhood, and I want to soak up every bit.
A few tips, tricks and do’s and dont’s to consider if your are planning a trip to The Mouse House:
- Having an hour or two of downtime back at the hotel was a great way to recharge so we all had the energy to stay out late and enjoy late-night Disneyness. I’m sure this is one of the main reasons none of the children or adults in our party had meltdowns.
- Disney is not the place to try to look cute. If there was ever a time to say “F-it. I’m wearing a fanny pack,” this would be it. Dress to combat the elements: massive crowds, the Florida sun, obese people in scooters, drippy ice cream cones, sweat, and bossy moms aggressively maneuvering double strollers, just to name a few. Wear a hat and sunglasses and sunscreen and clothes that can get dirty wet and durty.
- Work the FastPass+ system. For those of you not fluent in Disney, a FastPass is basically a reservation for a ride so you don’t have to wait in line. Hey-oh. Work the system and only use your FastPasses on rides with the longest lines (like the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, Peter Pan, etc). As soon as you check in for your third FastPass+ reservation, open the My Disney Experience app and get a 4th. And on and on.
- Download the My Disney Experience App. You can see menus, ride wait times, photos, make reservations, and manage your FastPasses. Easypesy.
- Rent or bring a stroller even if your child has outgrown the stroller phase. So much walking for little legs. Be sure to tie a colorful ribbon so that you can easily identify your stroller from the THOUSANDS parked outside the rides. Plus we used the under the stroller storage for dry layers, maps and snacks. Which reminds me:
- Bring snacks. Lollypops are great for waiting in line, and the snack bars, oranges and peanut butter crackers we packed kept us fueled between meals. And BYOB to save a few shekels. B as in bottled water. But you do you.
- I suggest watching parades from Frontierland. All parades start in Frontierland and end at the front of the park. Find a shady spot behind the white rope.
- If it can be avoided, don’t bring your smallest children. Disney, it turns out, is no place for children-I saw mothers with nursing infants and two year olds and felt sorry for them.
- Wear comfortable shoes. My dad’s Fitbit exploded because we walked so many steps on our first day. Running shoes are mandatory. After three full park days at Disney, I feel like I just completed an ultramarathon.
- Plan a trip while your little ones are in the magic years and believe in all of it. So SO glad we did.
I have a very clear memory of my first trip to Disney World when I was four-and-a-half years old. We loaded up in the family station wagon and headed south, likely without seatbelts because it was the 80s. We rode the Teacups and Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride (and the woefully underrated Carousel of Progress, a childhood favorite of mine where there was never a line), ate Mickey shaped ice cream, waited in line to have our turn on It’s a Small World , and chased down A-listers like Goofy and Donald for autographs. It was absolutely magical and I cried all the way home.
We knew this was the year to take our four-and-a-half year old daughter Harper for her first time. So early last fall I started looking into planning a trip. Well my friends, lesson one is that a lot has changed since the Disney trips of the days of yore. It is not as simple as it was in 1986. We started planning our February trip in October, which I found out was really late in the game—nearly too late to get a room with a park view and a meal with even a second-tier princess. So we enlisted the help of a Disney Vacation Planner (yes those exist). She helped us navigate the world of Fastpasses, character meals, MagicBands, hotel reservations, the Disney app, park hopper tickets, and all the other new-age logistics of our grand adventure. And her services are FREE–the only free thing in what is shaping up to be the most expensive trip we have taken since our honeymoon. To a private island. Basically my husband and I could go to Europe for a week or take our four-year-old to Disney for a few days. We chose Disney because…well because… childhood is but a blink. And magic!
The first decision we made was to leave one-and-a-half-year-old Hallie back at home while the rest of us fly to Florida. I am well aware that children under two fly for free and get into Disney World for free, but that is definitely a booby-trap. Free does not equal fun nor does it equal wise. Hallie is way too young to remember what would amount to a high-wire feat of A-level parenting required to keep her happy in a stroller for 14 hour days. She is also afraid of roller-coasters.
Once we had the trip logistics nailed down, we had to decide how and when to tell Harper the Big News that we were going to Disney World. We considered telling her the night before we planned to fly out. I think I saw that in a Disney commercial once and it was awesome. She would have gone BANANAS, but we would have missed out on the solid gold that would have come from her anticipating the trip. One of the things I love most about Harper is how genuinely excited she gets about pretty much everything. Birthday parties, elevators, desserts, a song on the radio, Tuesdays, school days, weekends, a new toothbrush, old goldfish she finds in her car seat—all of it. She just gets hyped up about whatever’s now and whatever’s next. On a recent Target trip, I bought her some basic white socks. She was absolutely beside herself with excitement when I pulled them out of the bag to show her. “Oh mommy, how did you know?! This is exactly what I wanted! I love them so much. Thank you thank you. And they fit perfectly!” My precious little orphan Annie. If she was that excited about new socks, I knew the Disney surprise would blow her little mind.
So for Christmas we made a plan for her last gift to tell her that we are taking her on a trip to Disney World.
Hidden in the tree was a red card with her name on it that said “open me last.” Inside was the first clue to the scavenger hunt, or “scabenger hunt” in her precious preschool pronunciation.
The first clue was in a bag that said “WHO?”
The clue inside said “You! And Mommy and Daddy” and told her where to find the next clue. It also told her that my parents (AKA Mimi and Buzzo) are joining us for part of our mystery adventure.
The next clue said “WHEN?” and the paper inside told her “The first week of February” and had a little countdown calendar with the day marked.
The next clue was in a bag marked “WHY?” Inside the paper said “Because we love you!” and told her where to find the next clue. She rushed from room to room with all of us following behind.
The next clue was in a bag that said “WHAT?” on the outside and inside said “A very special family vacation on an airplane!” At this point she started freaking out because that will be a first for her. And we should all freak out a little because flying through the air really is quite remarkable.
The last and final clue was in a big bag that remained hidden until she came back in the living room.
The bag said “WHERE?” and inside was the big reveal of exactly where we’re heading.
The video of her opening the final clue and figuring out that we are heading to Disney World is something I know I will treasure forever. (Click HERE to see it if it doesn’t load. worth it.)
That poor little orphan child who cried tears of joy when I bought her new socks has never been on an airplane before. She is beside herself with excitement about that component of our adventure. In fact, we could probably just take her to ride the big escalator at the airport and stop there to watch the planes and it would be the thrill of a lifetime for her—but we will press on to the Magic Kingdom. Hi Ho!
If I’m honest, John and I are just as excited as she is. Seeing your children experience new things with pure unfiltered joy of is one of the absolute best parts of being a parent. I’ll choose that over a trip to Europe any day.
Click HERE to see Harper talk through the details.
((And for those of you planning a trip to see Micky Mouse in his natural habitat, you absolutely must reach out to Tara Verdigets at WDW Getaways ([email protected]). Her services are free and she speaks fluent Disney.))
What the Elves are Working on (Gift Guide for Kids)
Jingle jingle. It’s Christmastime in the USA. Our consumer culture took major liberties interpreting the story of the Magi at the birth of Our Savior in a lowly manger to become the gifting extravaganza it is today, but I am totally down. I delight in the season dedicated to thankfulness, togetherness, faith, family, Baby Jesus, and PRESENTS.
I love giving (and receiving hint, hint, hint), and I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give my children, our godchildren, nieces and nephews, and other little ones in our lives. I want to give toys that will be played with, or some
So here are some of the gifts we are giving others and have requested when Santa and doting grandparents have asked. Perhaps some of these may be perfect for the little people in your world. ((And I’ve done my due diligence in the Amazon Review Bermuda Triangle so you don’t have to. All of these receive top ratings.))
LEGOs
My daughter received the LEGO Friends Heartlake Cupcake Cafe as a birthday gift. It took us four days to assemble all 439 pieces but both the 34 year old and the 4 year old in our family loved the process and felt a serious sense of accomplishment once we had precisely placed each piece. I think I may superglue that thing together and make it a circulating trophy to be awarded to anyone in our family who accomplishes something hard. For Christmas big sis wants another LEGO set (maybe this one or this one. Learning to follow directions is important ) and I would love for our home to have a basic set of LEGO bricks for spontaneous creative builds.
Kids Digital Camera
Harper loves taking pictures on my phone. Of me. When I’m not paying attention. So I think she will really enjoy having a camera of her own. (Side note: Nothing is more humbling than scrolling through her photoshoots. Kids have an uncanny knack for knowing just the angle to capture all the chins and the lighting that really emphasizes the dark circles under the eyes.) This Christmas she will be getting a kid-proof digital camera of her own to capture those special family moments, document vacations, and immortalize those amazing family angles.
Y Bike
What the heck is that thing? is the common question asked when people see our 18-month-old wiz by on her pink Ybike. It is hands down her favorite pastime and possession. Perfect gift for kids, like my nephew, not quite old enough for a pedal trike. Here is another version that gets high praises too.
Games Games Games
I love gifting games because they can be played for years to come by the whole family. Playing games with my daughter is one of my favorite ways to spend time together. These all come highly recommended and many can even be enjoyed by adults when the kids aren’t around. Spot-it! (different versions for all ages ) Set (ages 6+) Hoot Hoot Owl (ages 4-9) Labyrinth (ages 8+) Enchanted Forrest (4+)
Books!
We adore reading so every year we aim to give and hope to receive some quality reading material. The picture books we are giving are Rosie Revere Engineer, Happy Birthday Madame Chapeau, and Iggy Peck Architect. And we are just dipping our toes into read aloud chapter books, so something along the lines of Anne of Green Gables or Little House in the Big Woods would great gifts that our little bookworms could grow into.
Sesame Street Letter Board
Our youngest played with the Elmo On-the-Go Letters at a friends house for over an HOUR all by herself. Yes please! Bonus points being educational and neatly packaged in in its own case.
Headphones
I want my daughter to have her own pair of headphones especially designed for kids. These will be great for her to use while watching things on the iPad when we are on trips and for listening to Audiobooks.
Magna-Tiles
My parents gifted the girls a set of Magna-Tiles for Christmas last year and those things get played with literally everyday by both children. Yes they are crazy expensive but dude, they are worth it. The stand up to toddler abuse and can entertain adults–My Man and I have constructed some architectural marvels. Santa, if you’re reading this, we wouldn’t be mad at ya if there was this add-on set under the tree.
Christmas PJs
There is nothing and I mean nothing cuter than precious little children in matching pajamas. I adore the Christmas PJs from Hanna Anderssen. I would totally be into the whole family wearing matching pajamas but My Man vetoed that one. But if your man is a little more open to making magical memories, then check out the selection at target. They have super cute striped PJs that come in all sizes.
Art Supplies
I love that my oldest is at an age where she will peacefully entertain herself creating art projects up in the playroom and be trusted not to draw on the walls. Unfortunately little sis has literally sucked our markers dry (stay tuned for long-term side effects). That said, it is time to replenish the supply. I think big sis will like this Washable Marker and Paper Kit and this Melissa & Doug Stamp Kit.
Roller Skates or a Bike
It’s up to Santa, but it is time for a Big Girl Bike without training wheels or a pair of beginner’s roller skates. And obviously a helmet because eeeks.
A BIG Surprise
My 4.5 year old’s big gift this year is a surprise. I think she will actually explode when she opens it. Stay tuned for details…and sushhhh.
Eager for more? Here is a post about the gifting that went down last year: https://takethedayoff.net/2015/12/what-the-children-are-getting-for-christmas-shhhhh/
Awesome Princess Books (Even Anti-Princess Parents will Appreciate)
Last year for Halloween, my daughter was the lone chicken in a sea of princesses. I was proud that she made the choice to go as a barnyard animal, smugly thinking that she was different than the rest of the girls her age who had fallen hard for the prevalent princess propaganda. She’s unique! She’s a free-thinker! She beats to her own drum!
I am definitely doing something right, I thought to myself as my free-range chicken went door to door trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. Sure I would have been even prouder had she wanted to dress up like Malala Yousafzai, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or Rosa Parks, but she chose to be poultry over being a princess and that was good enough for me.
Weeeeeeeell, by Christmastime that same year, she was sitting on Santa’s lap asking for this Ariel doll, a Princess First Aid Kit and an Elsa dress. In the past year our costume basket has exploded with tulle, tutus and tiaras, and our bookshelf runneth over with books featuring princess protagonists.
She always brings home princess books from the school library and together we have read and reread no less than 6 billion pages of princess prose. And we all know how the typical princess tale goes: Meek and mild damsel in distress gets rescued by a heroic handsome prince. They get married and everyone lives happily ever after.
I’m all for happily ever after, but let’s give the damsel a little more dimension. Make her brave, courageous, creative, spunky, independent, and the hero of her own story. Here are a some of our favorite princess books that turn the tired story-line on its head, and a few of these clever tales even offer solid little life lessons for your little princess.
There are some gawd awful children’s books out there, but there are also some treasures—even, and perhaps especially, in the princess genre. I hope you enjoy these as much as we do. They will help give your daughter’s princess aspirations a little more pizzazz.
Interstellar Cinderella ♥The Apple-Pip Princess ♥ The Monster Princess ♥ Part-Time Princess ♥ Follow, Follow: A Book of Reverso Poems
The Princess Knight ♥ Falling for Rapunzel ♥ Not All Princesses Dress in Pink ♥ Sleeping Cinderella and Other Princess Mix-ups ♥ Waking Beauty ♥
The Do Princesses… Book Series ♥ Princess Hyacinth (The Surprising Tale of a Girl who Floated) ♥ The Paper Bag Princess ♥ Very Fairy Princess series
(And be sure to check out this post featuring some of our other favorite Children’s Books)
It is never easy to know what to do when a friend is experiencing pain or a loss of any kind. And miscarriage is particularly hard to discuss openly because it affects each of us who experience it differently and it is a tragically taboo topic. It is the loss of someone we didn’t get the chance to know, the loss of a dream for the future family we imagine, and a loss of innocence for future pregnancies. As we approach the due date for the pregnancy we lost earlier this year, I wanted to reflect back on the things that other people did for me that really helped during that tough time. I felt so unbelievably supported and cared for because of the outpouring of love from my friends. Here are some ideas of things to do for your friends if they are going through a miscarriage, taken directly from what my kind, generous, thoughtful and funny friends did for me:
Send a note, email, text, telefax or telegram. It is so hard to know what to say when a friend experiences a loss like this, and it may seem easier to do or say nothing out of fear for saying the wrong thing. Not sure what to say? Then say, “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” No matter how eloquent or ineloquent, every single letter, text, note, email and voicemail meant so much.
I was just settling into the second trimester when I miscarried, so that meant most people in my world knew that I was pregnant. I was so grateful when a dear friend volunteered to tell our nearest and dearest about our loss so that I didn’t have to do the talking. This may be a job best suited for a sister or bestie, so if that’s you, volunteer to be the bearer of bad news.
Drop by food. I was emotionally out of commission on the days following the no heartbeat news, and physically out of commission for a few days following my D&C. I so appreciated the simple meals and sweet treats dropped at the door for our family when cooking wholesome family meals was the last thing I wanted to do.
Share your story. After I shared my story about my miscarriage, so many people reached out and said “me too.” It is at once heartbreaking and comforting to know that so many of you have gone through this. Hearing your stories helped me know that I wasn’t alone.
Give a gift certificate for something your friend likes. A thoughtful friend surprised me with a gift certificate for a pedicure with a note that said treat yo self. It was such a treat, and definitely in tune with the be gentle with myself mindset I adopted as I healed physically and emotionally.
Remember the dad too. It takes two to tango, and the baby’s father experiences his own grief. It was amazing to see how supportive my husband’s friends were to him.
It’s certainly not an occasion for champagne, but a bottle of wine is always divine. A sweet neighbor dropped off a bottle of wine at my door with a simple note basically telling me that she would totally understand if I drank it all by myself that afternoon. Flowers are nice too.
A best friend who has been there before sent me a sweet care package with a cute tea cup, the makings of a vodka cocktail, cozy socks, and an awesome sticker book for my daughter that prompted hours of independent play. Getting mail always puts me in a good mood and this particular package made me feel especially known and loved.
Having a miscarriage sucked. But it was made better by the fact that I had two precious children already. That said, it is hard to be an emotional basket case in the fetal position and continue onward with perky parenting protocol as if nothing is wrong. Sweet friends took my oldest daughter on adventures, ice cream outings and playdates while I was out of commission. If a friend of yours is going through it, tell her that you are coming by to take her child on an adventure, outing, or playdate. I’m pretty sure that my oldest daughter had the best few days of her life while I was feeling low…which made me feel a little better.
In some cases, it is best to tell, don’t ask. So often we say no when someone offers to do something kind for us or offers to help us in anyway. Instead of asking, “can I bring you dinner?” “Can I come get your big kid?” Tell. “I’m bringing dinner. I’ll leave it on the back porch.” “I’m going to pick up your daughter and take her to the park. Ill have her home by 6.” Your thoughtful initiative will be appreciated.
Check in a week later, a month later, and around the due date. Knowing that we were due in September, my nearest and dearest have asked how I am doing, or simply told me that they were thinking of me this month.
* * * * * * *
Odds are that someone you know has had or will have a miscarriage. So if one of your friends experiences a miscarriage, take a page from my peoples playbook and show you care. Any little word or deed will go miles to make your friend feel loved.
My perfect day would include a long walk on shady trail, gentle breeze and 70 degrees. In this vision, I am rocking the latest Lululemon and my naturally blonde hair bounces in one of those peppy ponytails with a slight wave. I walk for as long as I please, losing myself in the gentle rolling hills and the beautiful scenery….. The realty looks a little different: These days, if I get to walk it is rarely alone. My unintentionally ombre ponytail complements my Old Navy active wear as sweat drips in my eyes because it is 106 degrees on the cement. I am using all of my might to push the stroller up hills and bribing its passenger with snacks and toys to keep her content in attempts to eek out another mile without an emotional breakdown.
But! The common thread between fantasy and reality is that in both scenarios, I am listening to podcasts while I walk. Hands down, my very favorite hobby is going for a long walk while listening to podcasts. (Actually my #1 favorite hobby is going out for dinner when someone else is paying, but the walking podcast thing is #2) Anyway, I crank up the volume to drown out the whining, and I lose track of time as songs, stories, tips, and talks stream through my headphones.
For you grannies out there who think I’m speaking Japanese when I say the word podcast, here’s how it works. Podcasts are kinda like free, on-demand talk radio. And there are zillions out there on just about any topic under the sun. My preferred method of listening is via the iTunes Podcasts app on my phone, which comes pre-installed on most iPhones and iPads. Simply search the app and hit “subscribe” on the podcasts you want to listen to or click “feed” and choose an episode from the archives.
Because of the sheer volume out there, I wanted to share some of my very favorites for your listening pleasure…
Goodness in the form of (mostly) true stories:
This American Life. This is the gateway drug of podcasts. I discovered This American Life one Sunday evening as I was driving back to college after a spring break trip around the turn of the century. It changed everything I thought I knew about public radio. I was instantly hooked and have rarely missed an episode since then. Ira Glass is on my short list of people with whom I’d like to dine.
Modern Love– The best columns from the Modern Love section of the New York Times, read by actors. Then the host follows up with the essayist for a quick chat about the piece.
The Moth– Regular people like you and me but cooler, telling their true stories live on stage.
The Longest Shortest Time– So entertaining and enlightening for the parents among us. Definitely worth taking a trip through the archives.
Advice (Eavesdrop on Other People’s Problems):
Dear Sugar Radio– You call it nosy, I call it emmpathetically curious–but whatever you call it, I truly love hearing people talk about their problems. And there are lots of podcasts out there that scratch that particular itch. On this podcast, authors Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond give thoughtful advice in response to letters they receive.
New Life Live– An advice call-in radio show which is awesome for two reasons: 1. The people calling in have really big and messy issues 2. It is call-in (not write-in) so there is a dialogue and follow-up-questions between the caller and the experts.
Get Smarter:
Marketplace– This daily radio program is about business news and how it affects you. This one happens to be more family-friendly than some of the others, so it is a good one to listen to on the loudspeakers while I am momming. And host Kai Ryssdal’s radio voice happens to be my favorite.
Clark Howard-Consumer advocate Clark Howard helps you save more of your hard earned money and not get ripped off. I always walk away with a few good nuggets of financial savvy.
TED Radio Hour– Each show is centered on a common theme and highlights some of the most fascinating TED Talks.
Interviews:
Fresh Air– My favorite genre of podcasts is the interview and Fresh Air is probably the gold standard as far as interviews are concerned. A chat with host Terry Gross is mandatory on most legit press tours, and I always enjoy listening in on her chats interesting people, authors, politicians, and actors. Terry Gross has my dream job.
WTF with Marc Maron– Comedian Marc Maron interviews musicians, writers, directors, actors, and other comedians. It’s a known fact that people go deep with Maron, probably because of his self-deprecating humor and the comfortable and casual nature of his conversations.
Nerdist– I don’t listen to this one with just any ol guest, but there are some treasures in the archives. Take a look through the archives and listen to the episodes featuring your favorite comedians, actors and musicians.
Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin– Alec Baldwin is a great interviewer. He asks thoughtful questions and talks to interesting artists, policymakers, taste-makers, and performers.
Death Sex and Money– Anna Sale interviews people – both famous and not – about three of the most taboo (and most interesting) conversation topics. So good.
What Should I Read Next– Armed with seemingly infinite bookish wisdom, Hostess Anne Bogel interviews readers and asks them these questions: What are three books you love? What is one book you hated? What are you reading now? and What would you like to change about your reading life? Based on the guest’s tastes, Anne answers the big question, “What should I read next?” I get 85% of my reading list from books I learn about on this awesome podcast.
Current Events of the Pop Culture Variety:
Channel 33-Bill Simmons is the guru of sports and pop culture, the founder of Grantland (RIP), and the machine behind the recently launched site The Ringer. Channel 33 is one of the Ringer’s network of podcasts that offers unique and thoughtful takes on tv, tech, movies and music. Because I really trust their contributors’ tastes, I often turn to them to get a cue on what is worth watching next.
Pop Culture Happy Hour– is a conversation about books, movies, music and television. I like hearing this group debrief media I have recently consumed.
Dinner Party Download-It’s a podcast structured like a dinner party, and intended to make you a dazzling guest. They bring in a celebrity for a short interview, dish out interesting tidbits about current events and have a themed cocktail.
There are exactly 2.985 bazillion podcasts so this list is hardly scratching the surface, but these are on my short list of worthwhile listens. I would like to know what is on your list? What do I need to listen to? I am anyways on the hunt for new-to-me goodness. Sound off.
As I was looking through old photos in preparation for My Man’s most recent milestone birthday, I stumbled upon a stack of pics from our dating days. We looked so young and so smitten. Man it took me back…
We started off dating long distance, swapping weekends between Atlanta and DC. I recall many tearful Monday mornings after parting ways at the airport, tears running down my cheeks that were sore from smiling so much. Our weekends together were a blast. We played tennis, took long walks, went to concerts, and danced at weddings. We talked for hours over dinner, drank wine on back porches, took road trips, and got to know each other’s friends and families. He taught me how to play guitar and talk intelligently about Braves baseball, and I taught him how to lose graciously at Gin Rummy and appreciate The Bachelor (Brad Womack round two). We publicly displayed boatloads of affection, wrote love letters and mailed each other mix CDs.
Dating the person you are going to marry is the very very best.
Then we got married. And that sentence should definitely end with an exclamation point because our marriage has been pretty dreamy. I have to say that I absolutely picked the right one. We just fit. Of course we are two imperfect humans, sharing a life with bills and babies and a mortgage and car maintenance, and one of us can never find her credit cards and the other of us gets irrationally aggravated with a losing baseball team and being on hold with the cable provider-so naturally we have occasional squabbles and attitudes, but things on the marriage front are good. Like really really good. Lo these many years later, I still have a huge crush on him. Our marriage is not full of tension or endless compromises and negotiations. We are great friends who love spending time together, more alike than different, and so secure in each other’s love.
But because things in our marriage are “easy,” it makes it easy to get a little lazy. Many days I go straight from workout clothes to frumpy PJs with white dabs of zit cream dotted on my face. I confess that I sometimes save my most charming and engaging side for other people, my most serving and selfless side for my children, and he ends up getting whatever is left.
When I reflect back on our dating life, which seems like ages ago, I think what I miss most is the dating version of me. It was me who was different-well not different, but definitely letting my sparkliest sides shine. And falling in love brings those sparkles out, doesn’t it? I recall one specific instance that pretty much encapsulates the whole thing. It was the time I woke up at 5am on Thanksgiving morning to join him for the last few miles of a half marathon he was running. Together we ran 5 miles uphill in the dark cold pouring rain. Everything in that last sentence is just plain wrong. But this was love and we were dating and that is the kind of thing you do without even a complaint or second thought when you are dating. It wasn’t that I was selling him a bill of goods or baiting the hook-I was just all in. I had that insatiable desire to be with him and make him happy and if that meant being cold and physically exerting myself before sunrise on a holiday intended for sloth and gluttony, then damnit, let’s do it.
So today, on the eight-year anniversary of when we got engaged, I want to commit to dating my husband. Not necessarily planning romantic rendezvous and epic dates per se, though that would be nice too, but more so being the version of myself that I was when we were dating.
Sure, I got this thing on lock, but I want to try harder…
I want to put a little more effort into my after-hours appearance. I want to try to sparkle a little more. More talking, more togetherness, a touch of flirting, occasional eyeliner. I want to continue to get to know him-to ask him questions and to understand him and care more about the things he cares about. I want to compliment him and cuddle with him and go out of my way to do kind things for him. I want to (metaphorically) say yes to running together, uphill in the rain.
Let’s see if he notices.
Off to make My Man a mix CD.
I am of that golden age where if you only have one glass of wine, people immediately start passing pregnancy rumors. Because my pals are popping out babies left and right, I have had the distinct honor of hosting and attending my fair share of showers.
Now, we can all agree that the best part about baby showers is the mimosas. But what’s the worst part? The creepy games? The mayonnaise-centric menus? Indeed, those are definitely low-points, but in my humble opinion, the gift opening marathon is THE worst.
Traditionally, everyone gathers round and watches the mom-to-be open the mound of gifts selected by friends, colleagues, and distant cousins. So as not to seem greedy or ungrateful, pregnant mama opens each gift painstakingly sloooowly without ripping the paper. Then she must come up with creative and gracious commentary about each burp cloth and nipple shield and off-registry wildcard to entertain the onlookers. Meanwhile, the guests have to react to each item with equal reverence whilst engaging in polite whispery conversation with whomever they are seated next to. Guests watch as each gift is unwrapped, appreciated, discussed, passed around, re-boxed, and recorded. At small showers the gifting bit is no big deal, but at large showers, the gifting process can last for days.
No one and I mean no one likes receiving gifts more than I do (hint hint hint), but being on stage in such a manner was a mildly uncomfortable spot even for me. Here is a montage of my Oscar-worthy performance of oohs and ahhs at my own baby shower way back when:
The traditional gift-opening approach is more than a smidge uncomfortable for the gift receiver and can be like watching paint dry for the gift givers.
But guess what? There is a better way!
Next time you host a shower, try this alternative gift opening method:
The Group Gift Opening Extravaganza
Step 1: Randomly pass out one wrapped gift to each shower guest and the remaining gifts to the Mom-to-Be.
Step 2: Everyone open the gifts at the same time.
Step 3: One by one, go around the room and have each guest give a quick show-and-tell about the gift she opened. Hold it up, show off the cuteness, and say who it’s from. For example: “A Pack N Play from Patricia.” “It’s a swaddle from Susie.” “A WubbaNub from Winnie.” Etcetera.
Step 4: Refill your mimosa glass and get on with it.
This is a fun, fast way to make the most yawn-inducing part of baby showers a breeze–and, dare I say, even fun for the whole group.
At my sister’s baby shower which *gasp* included men, they actually had the guys open the gifts and do the show-and-tell. It was pretty dang entertaining to watch the single guys explain the baby paraphernalia that can make even mothers blush. (like this. and this). Fun times.
A few weeks ago, I was part of the hosting team for a baby shower honoring a pair of pregnant sisters. Adorable. But had we done the present process the traditional way, we would have had to have a medical team on-hand to deliver the babies who would have been born before the girls were finished opening. Fortunately we had the foresight to shake it up and opted for the mass gifting extravaganza. Try it at your next baby or bridal shower and be a hosting hero.
I will leave you with this easy recipe for a delicious champagne cocktail that can take any baby shower or average Tuesday to the next level.
Mr. Funk of New Orleans (for a group)
- 1 bottle champagne
- 2 ½ cups Cranberry juice
- 1/3 cup peach schnapps
- Raspberries to garnish
Mix it up and serve chilled in a champagne glasses. Garnish with a raspberry or two.
Mr. Funk of New Orleans (for one)
- 3 ounces champagne
- 2 ½ ounces cranberry juice
- ½ ounce peach schnapps
- 1 raspberry
Pour the champagne into a stemmed glass, then add the cranberry juice and schnapps. Garnish with a raspberry and serve.
Happy celebrating.
Things that Make it a Little Easier
Every parent has a few go-to tricks and tools that they rely on. Here are a couple of mine. The following list includes some of the things that make my day-to-day easier, happier, and more enjoyable:
Vodka.
UberEATS. We all know and love Uber, but until recently, I had no idea of the conPro tip: order in secret, plate on your own china, and dispose of the evidence. Take all the credit knowing full well you didn’t have to dirty a single dish. Check out the deliciousness delivered to our house Monday night served alongside The Bachelorette:
Amazon Prime. For $99 a year you get two-day or even two-hour delivery on all orders, access to an online on-demand media library, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Diapers, books, and miscellaneous baby paraphernalia magically appear at our door mere hours after they’re ordered. Good luck convincing me that there aren’t little elves living under my house anticipating my every need. Last year, one of those little elves delivered a Fire TV Stick that makes watching all sorts of streamed content (Netflix, Prime, HBO, etc.) a breeze. Prime’s streaming picks are also pretty great too. Content-wise, they have a decent library of movies, a better selection of shows, and some stellar original content for your viewing pleasure, whether you choose to binge a series all in one go, or take your time and watch it gradually (The show Catastrophe is a solid choices for your evening entertainment).
Common Sense Media. A list about awesome stuff that helps this mom survive and thrive would be incomplete without some mention of television. This summer, when your children take a break from their sensory boxes, wooden toys, and mom-made Spanish scavenger hunts, you want them to watch something with at least a tad bit of redeeming value. The good news is that there are so many great shows and movies out there for kids these days-shows with serious educational value and moral lessons. Bad news? There is also some total garbage. How is a parent to tell the difference without having to personally vet every episode of every show? I’ll leave that to CommonSenseMedia.org. It is my go-to tool to decide what shows and movies are appropriate and edifying for the young audience in our home. Type in any movie or show in their search bar and you will see a great rundown of what to expect. The write-ups start with “parents need to know that…” and each program or movie has a recommended age and is rated on criteria including Educational Value, Violence & Scariness, Positive Messages, and Positive Role Models. You know your child and your standards, and this will help you determine the right watch for your family. See also: My love song to Daniel Tiger.
Instacart. Do you want to schlep cranky children across town in the cold, rain, heat or snow to buy in bulk? Me neither. Enter Instacart. You simply choose your store (Publix, Whole Foods, Costco, Kroger, etc.), put items in your online cart, and schedule delivery. Just today I had a Costco order delivered to my door. Magic. There is a small fee for delivery and some stores markup items a tad in exchange for the service, but there are days when it is most definitely worth it. And I figure we actually come out ahead financially because the possibility of impulse purchases is virtually eliminated. The only person who is sad about the invention of Instacart is my 4-year-old, whose first word was literally “sample.”
The YMCA. I have to include something on this list that requires leaving the house so here it is. The wondrous haven that is the YMCA has been a godsend to me since I became a mother. Some days I go for the exercise. Other (most) days I go for the childcare. Every mother needs the occasional break from her children shelovessomuch, and this is much needed me-time disguised as something virtuous. Whether I am taking a calorie torching class like Turbo Kick or reading mags and watching Bravo while “exercising” on the elliptical, I know my children are in the loving hands of trained YMCA professionals. The best part is so many of my friends are members that we get to enjoy some quality time together while our kids play with their little friends in the play center. Everyone wins.
I’ll leave you with a pic I snapped at Harper’s YMCA swim lesson a few weeks ago. We are hoping that her actual swimming ability will soon catch up with her off-the-charts confidence.
So what tools and tips and tricks and services and solutions have you been loving lately that I need to know about? Wonderful websites? Awesome aps? Favorite products? Other things that can be delivered to my door? Enlighten me!
I don’t know how it is where you are, but around here “breast is best” is tattooed on our bosoms. And it’s true that breastmilk is amazing for babies.
But you know what else is amazing for babies? Formula.
I said it. The F word.
((Before I continue, I want to remind you that this entire post is watermarked with Do Whatever Works Best For You. Only you can decide that for yourself and your children. And in case no one has told you lately, you are a really really good mom.))
Let’s continue.
The logistics worked out for me to breastfed my firstborn for seven months. I’m not going to get into nipply details (I elaborate a little more here), but it was tough for both of us. Many women are teary and nostalgic during their last breastfeeding session, but I wanted to sing Jon Secada’s Hallelujah Chorus from the rooftops once my baby was fully weaned. I felt free…but I also felt like a quitter for not making it to the one-year mark and guilty for not loving it every step of the way. In retrospect I realize that I was wishing away precious moments of my baby’s infancy ticking away at an arbitrary deadline (I set for myself) for when I would stop breastfeeding. I wanted things to be different the second go round. I wanted to silence the shoulds swirling around my head and not let them dictate my feeding choices or my feelings surrounding them.
So approaching the birth of my second child, I took the pressure off myself and my boobs and I held the whole experience loosely. I didn’t want that pressure to breastfeed to rob me of any of the joy of parenting. Here was my plan: If breastfeeding was making me and my baby happy and working out well for the other members of our family, then I would stick with it. If it wasn’t, then I would give myself permission to stop.
Things were going okay at first, but it wasn’t long before I started dreading every feeding. I was also dizzying myself with juggling the timing and logistics of nursing the baby while availing myself to lovingly parent the three-year-old. Before or after carpool? At the park? Leave now for the pool, or nurse now and tell big sis she will miss out on swimming with her friends? How much should I let what is “best” for one child dictate the program for the entire family? The struggle was real.
I knew our nursing days were numbered when I said the real F-word three times before 7am while that sweet baby and I both sobbed topless in her nursery. That day I ditched the all-or-nothing mentality. From then on, my daughter got a mix of breastmilk straight from the source, pumped bottles, and bottles of formula. By month three, my sweet baby was getting all bottles all the time and all of them were filled with formula. She was thriving and so was I.
It turns out that the alternative to breastfeeding is not poison. And you know what else I discovered? Formula is not made of tiny shards of glass and arsenic! It is actually full of good things that babies need. Feeling the freedom to feed Hallie formula has made her first year downright damn near delightful for our whole family. I am a happier, more present, more joyful parent to both my children (and a more pleasant wife and human) because I stopped breastfeeding when I did. And I would argue that giving my girls the gift of a happy and available mother has far greater benefits than any amount of breastmilk.
If breastfeeding is working for you, then stick with it! You are an awesome mom.
BUT if it isn’t working for whatever reason, or just plain isn’t an option, YOU are an awesome mom.
Maybe you are going to great lengths to try to make it work when it just isn’t. Maybe you dread feedings because each one is excruciatingly painful and time-consuming. Maybe you aren’t producing enough milk. Maybe you have had to make extreme modifications to your own diet because your child has an allergy. Maybe you have to head back to work. Maybe you are feeling guilty for quitting breastfeeding when there was more you could have done. Maybe the sacrifices you are making to breastfeed outweigh the supposed benefits of breastmilk. Maybe breastfeeding just wasn’t an option because you are an adoptive parent. Maybe you are the mother of quadruplets and breastfeeding is logistically impossible. Or maybe you just plain don’t like it.
If any of the “maybes” mentioned above sound familiar, give yourself permission to try something else.
Pop Quiz!
Question 1: Can you tell which of these adorable children received the most breastmilk?
Answer: Me neither. And no IQ test, blood test, juggling contest, spelling bee, regatta or footrace would tell us either.
Question 2: Can you tell which well-adjusted adult in the picture below was breastfed?
Answer: Neither. That’s me on the right and my younger sister on the left. My sister and I didn’t get a drop of breastmilk and we both grew into happy healthy adults who enjoy an extremely close relationship with our amazing mother (who still buys us matching clothes). I turned out OK, but my sister turned out great. She is a gorgeous, non-obese, valedictorian, athlete, gourmet cook, mother, and all-around gentle, generous, beautiful soul, M.D. She is a shining star-and a walking endorsement demonstrating that formula fed babies experience zero long-term side effects.
* * * * *
The decision to breastfeed is personal to every mother. We all have hopes and expectations going into motherhood about how it will go. We all have histories and convictions that make us more or less determined to make it work. And we all want to give our children the very best. But what if the “best” means different things to each of us?
There are so many choices we make as mothers-and I am here to say that breast or bottle is not the most important one. Not even close. It is so hard to remember that during the throes infancy. As mothers we have to make a lot of decisions regarding our children, decisions with actual long-term impact, and I know the stakes will only get higher as our children grow. So let’s take the pressure off of ourselves and each other about this one. Okay?
I’m awesome. You’re awesome. We’re awesome.
I was hesitant to transition our two-year-old daughter from the confines of her cage–oh, sorry. I think the politically correct term for that is crib. Crib. Let me start over.
I was hesitant to transition our two-year-old daughter from the confines of her crib to her big girl bedroom. I feared that my years of controlling bedtimes and wake-times would be over. Would she be roaming the halls drawing on the walls, playing with knives, and lighting matches in the middle of the night while the adults slept upstairs? Or way WAY worse: would she wake us up before 8am?
In efforts to quell those fears, I bought this AMAZING clock and put it to use when she was evicted from the crib and relocated to her new bedroom. It has worked like a charm. The light on the clock turns green when it is time for her to wake up—a time I decide and set. Then, and only then, she calls us enthusiastically, “Mommy, Daddy, my light turned green!” And the day begins. (My) studies have shown that, like dogs, young children have no real concept of time. You have to be the one to guide them if you don’t want the bedtime/waketime situation to become a GD free-for-all.
A few tips for making the green light work:
- The key to making this clock system work for you and your child is to set the rules and enforce them. Your house, your rules. At our house, our daughter is not allowed to come out of her room on her own accord after we tuck her in for bedtime. She knows she has to stay in her room until morning when her light turns green. If she wakes up in the morning before the green light, then she is free to quietly read, play, and explore the recesses of her imagination in her room. We euphemistically refer to whatever the heck goes on in there before her light turns green as “Independent Playtime.”
- Consistency is key. Clearly set and enforced boundaries benefit the whole family. A few times in the beginning Harper would call us in the morning before her light turned green. Knowing that she was safe and not being attacked by a tiger, we waited until the green light to go get her. Then we lovingly reminded her of the rules and we did our best to follow them too. Do not cave! Kids Can Be Tricky Little Tyrants. (←working title of my forthcoming parenting book).
- Both parents must be on the same page about the Ultimate Authority of The Green Light. Even the softer, sweeter parent needs to be totally bought into the system. There is one in every parenting duo. I’m not going to name names, but if I were to name the name of the somewhat softer member of our parenting partnership, I would name the name of our children’s father.
- Pro tip: I set the clock for one time on the weekdays and usually a different, slightly later time on the weekends. If it’s been a late and wild Saturday night for the adults, we tick that clock back so that we can get some extra sleep in the morning. Say it with me now, independent playtime. What a gift to have unstructured time to explore the recess of one’s own imagination! Big sis is nonethewiser and usually sleeps in a bit on the weekends anyway.
- We keep the clock on the highest shelf in the room so that our daughter can’t tinker with it and mess with the buttons. No touching the clock allowed.
- When our children spend the night with their grandparents or when we go on vacation, the clock comes along. It is just part of the routine around here.
- Of course, give yourself the gift of a green light. The OK to Wake Clock also makes an excellent gift for sleep-deprived mother’s of infants to let them know that there is a literal green light at the end of the tunnel.
In conclusion, if our house was on fire and I could save one thing from my daughter’s room, it wouldn’t be the heirloom dresses hand-smocked by her great grandmother or her woefully neglected baby book, it would be the OK to Wake Clock. It is a tad more expensive than your typical alarm clock, but after seeing how well it has worked for our family, I would happily pay ten times what we paid for it—the peace of mind and sleep it provides are priceless.
FLASH FORWARD five years and I am revisiting this blog post on the occasion of moving my third child out of her crib, into a big girl bed, and onto the Green Light System. Each child has a Green Light in her room. Last Saturday morning, I didn’t hear a peep until 8:45am when the lights turned green and the day officially began. I woke up feeling like a well-rested Disney Princezz. Granted, it’s been chaos since then, but I can handle the chaos a whole lot more joyfully when it starts in the late 8s.
