Putting the Elite in Triathlete

Somehow My Man has convinced me to do a triathlon with him. Lord knows why I said yes. It just came out. Sometimes he’s just so dang cute I can’t say no.

He is what you would call a triathlete, and assures me that the race we signed up for is great for first timers like myself. We’ll see about that, now won’t we?

I have never been one for early-morning competitive timed events, but in the back of my mind I thought maaaybeee one day I would do a triathlon after I had a rasher of children. After winning the damn thing I would say, “look kids, your mama’s still got it.” Now I’m thinking I will knock it out p.k. (pre-kids) so I can say “once upon a time your mama had it.”

A triathlon involves Swimming, Biking, and Running, in that order. I have done all of these things at one time or another, but never on the same day, one immediately after the other, without pausing for rest and refreshment. And for some reason, My Man keeps calling it “the race.” To clarify, I am NOT racing. I just want to finish in one piece.

I only have three weeks between now and the big day to get this body in gear. That’s not much time, but less time to train means less time to stress about not being trained. Here is my starting point, as of day one of training:

Swim. Swimming for exercise is not my idea of fun. Never has been. Like most kids I was on the swim team a few summers of my childhood. I hated the swimming part, but stayed in the game because I loved my red and black team Speedo. Man I felt hot in that thing. Seriously. My sister and I would get dropped of at the pool in the morning, go jump in the shower to look like we swam the requisite laps, and then hang out in the snack bar until practice was over. No one really noticed our absence because we were in the slow lane. After “practice” we would seamlessly reemerge and join the other girls for a day of diving board games, handstand contests, and country club chicken fingers.

I am most nervous about this leg, and unfortunately, I’m not quite as confident in a Speedo as I once was.

Bike. I am least worried about this leg of the race. I mean, I will have wheels. Wheels! That makes getting from one place to another a whole lot easier.

Run. It’s no secret that I prefer walking. It’s much more social and much less sweaty. I rarely run by choice. I usually run if I’m in a hurry, if I’m being chased, or if I’m trying to get home from a walk before I get caught in a lightening storm. I will only have to run two or three miles for the triathlon which I can totally handle as long as I have music to distract me. Are iPods allowed?

Well, I’m off to train. And by train I mean carb-load. It’s raining outside.

Oh, and does doing one triathlon make me a triathlete? Discuss.