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From the outside of motherhood looking in

2012 January 26

From the outside of motherhood looking in, I get really excited about the things that we will do as a mother-daughter duo and as a family.  I look forward to introducing my daughter to good music, taking her to the mountains and to the beach, and reading her endless good books aloud. I get excited thinking about our little family playing board games and having movie nights and going to Disney World.  I love the idea of starting new traditions and I fully intend to make birthdays and holidays a big deal.

But when it comes to motherhood, there is definitely a list of things I won’t do:

  • Drive a minivan
  • Have those family stickers on the back of my non-minivan
  • Post a “baby on board” sign
  • Refer to my husband as Daddy outside the presence of our child (in that case it will be “your” daddy)
  • Call myself Mommy to my husband
  • S-p-e-l-l everything (confession: maybe that has something to do with my spelling inabilities)
  • Take ridiculously posed newborn baby photos and/or pregnancy photos
  • Exchange my music collection for kid songs and listen to only Rafi and sing-along-songs in the car
  • Encourage co-sleeping
  • Have a Lotus birth (Google it)
  • Let the little ones win at everything (sounds evil, but trust me, it’s better this way)
  • Allow snakes, gerbils, spiders, hamsters or anything other than a (hopefully hypoallergenic) puppy as a pet
  • Refer to keeping my own kids as “babysitting”
  • Use child leashes to corral the young ones in public

 

And I know I am diving into controversial territory here, but the following are a few things I probably should consider—but likely won’t do:

  • Cloth diapering
  • Natural childbirth
  • Feeding my infant a diet exclusively consisting of locally grown, 100% organic baby food that I have pureed myself

Why?

  • Too sane
  • Too scared/ No thanks/ I have nothing to prove/ I embrace the wonders of modern medicine. (But I’m honestly open to hearing your thoughts on the topic.)
  • Too busy/ Can’t I just buy it and save myself the trouble?

So that’s my list of things this soon-to-be-mother won’t do…what’s on your list?

 

Overall Disclaimer: I realize that observing parents and actually being a parent are completely different, so I’m give myself permission to renege on any of these pronouncements when our little one arrives.

 Flash forward five years:  I’m gassing up the van with the baby on board sign displayed loudly and proudly in the back window.  Next stop, the vet.  Our gerbil Mr. Winkers has come down with something and me and my cloth diapered children are all just beside ourselves about it.

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2 Responses leave one →
  1. January 27, 2012

    When I saw that a friend had taken one of those pregnancy photos where her husband stands behind her and makes a heart on her stomach using his thumbs and pointer finger, I seriously had to reconsider our friendship.

    Also, I am the oldest of four and my youngest brother that is 20 years younger than me. My mom had to go natural with the first three of us since epidural’s weren’t yet invented and she 100% thinks anyone who refuses the epidural is dumb.

  2. Shauna permalink
    March 8, 2012

    I love your list (and your blog, which I totally just discovered a few minutes ago)! I always thought the baby on board signs were lame, but my mother told me it’s there to make drivers be a little more careful around your baby-toting car. (Though I should hope they’re being careful already…) So if your flash-forward-five-years scenario comes true, don’t feel tooooo bad about having that sign. The outlook’s pretty grim on Mr. Winkers, though 😉

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