And They Lived Happily Ever After?

A few weeks ago I wrote about the real life drama that I overheard coming from the basement: the epic fight between Chuck, the kind terrace-level tenant, and his dreadful girlfriend.

Well, Chuck has moved out. (And clearly it was not because he read the blog.)

As he was packing up the U-Haul I peered through the window, my mind abuzz with speculation. Could he possibly be moving out…to move in…with her? I had to know, so I went outside and struck up the fourth conversation we have had in the duration of sharing the same address.

“So you’re moving!” I said acknowledging the obvious. “Where are you headed?”

“Not too far-Greenwood Street, right around the corner.”

“Hopefully your new house will have heat and a normal landlord.” I said, referencing our last conversation about our shared grudges about the house and landlord.”

He laughed at my comment.

“So are you moving in with your girlfriend?” I asked. Straight to the point. I went for it.

“Yeah,” he said with markedly low enthusiasm.

“Wow,” I said as I swallowed my vom. “That’s a big step in the life of a relationship.”

“I know. Sorry if you overheard some of our loud fights recently.”

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders as if I had no idea what he was referencing.

“Well congratulations.” I said and I went back inside. Speculation, confirmed.

What a terrible decision. I rationalized that maybe by living with her he will realize how tragic she is before he is in too deep.

He came back this weekend to get the last bit of his things, leaving his car in the driveway to drive the truck to their new place. Realizing that he had left his car door unlocked, he called My Man and asked him to run outside and lock it. My Man was able to lock all the doors but the driver’s side door so he called Chuck to tell him. I couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the line, but My Man’s eyes got wide. He hung up the phone.

Chuck needed the doors locked because there was an engagement ring in the trunk. An ENGAGEMENT RING! For her.

My Man was instructed to pop the trunk and bring the ring inside until Chuck could come pick it up.

(I couldn’t help but snap a quick photog.) (To satiate your curiosity.) ( Not mine.)

I’m not jealous of the relationship or the ring–an extreme teardrop shaped diamond that looks like a heart from certain angles. For his sake I hope it is exactly what she wants, or he has set himself up for another round of emotional abuse.

The ring makes it official. Chuck and his girlfriend who emasculates him and treats him like crap are getting engaged to be married. I can’t believe it.

So what is the moral of this urban fairy tale?

Well ladies, intimidation, threats, ultimatums, and harsh insults about impotence work if an engagement ring is on your holiday wish list.

And they lived ever after.

The end.

File under Guilty Pleasure Thursday backslash Other People’s Business